![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
i identify with this quote far too much. since accepting that i will have to live the rest of my life with chronic illness as a constant companion, i feel even moreso like there is so much i haven't gotten done. there are half-finished and un-started projects surrounding me in my home and my studio, and every time i see them, they frustrate me.
i used to be a woman on a mission. i got things done, juggling multiple projects with relative ease, and was always able to recall the smallest details from conversations at need. now, it takes me so long to get a single thing checked off of my to do list that i've considered giving up my lists entirely. but then i'd just never get anything done. it's hard not to just sink into a wallow of despair.
yesterday i set a list of eight things to accomplish. so far, i've accomplished four, and swapped out a fifth item for starting some laundry once the washer is free, as i'm running low on clean underwear. if that counts, i've accomplished five things today.
but instead of celebrating the fact that i accomplished those five things, i am embarassed by those three things i did not. i am afraid that you will judge me for being unable to complete eight very simple tasks that you probably do without a second thought, every single day.
in all honesty, though, it's my inner critic comparing my current self with my past self. my rational brain knows that this is not a fair comparison, as i'm a different person today than i was five or ten years ago. the healthiest thing for me to do is to just recognize this, accept it, and let it go, but i can't.
i used to be a woman on a mission. i got things done, juggling multiple projects with relative ease, and was always able to recall the smallest details from conversations at need. now, it takes me so long to get a single thing checked off of my to do list that i've considered giving up my lists entirely. but then i'd just never get anything done. it's hard not to just sink into a wallow of despair.
yesterday i set a list of eight things to accomplish. so far, i've accomplished four, and swapped out a fifth item for starting some laundry once the washer is free, as i'm running low on clean underwear. if that counts, i've accomplished five things today.
but instead of celebrating the fact that i accomplished those five things, i am embarassed by those three things i did not. i am afraid that you will judge me for being unable to complete eight very simple tasks that you probably do without a second thought, every single day.
in all honesty, though, it's my inner critic comparing my current self with my past self. my rational brain knows that this is not a fair comparison, as i'm a different person today than i was five or ten years ago. the healthiest thing for me to do is to just recognize this, accept it, and let it go, but i can't.
